for Shelly-Bear

I  remember the frightening place it sounds like you might be..In rare moments of clarity when my life was very different and complicated and lived in pure Id, i would have a conversation with myself that stared with,"what if the Mormons are right?" & it would run in my head as i tried to stuff it deeper into my subconcious until i would get to--"but then i couldn't have a cold, Belgian beer in the shower...& I'D HAVE TO WEAR GARMENTS!!!" The mental conversation would always end there because that would be the end of the world.  

Now i'm told that only the end of the world is the end of the world. As i spent less and less time drinking and partying, i just felt this safe, comforting ease around my Mormon friends and co-worke

rs (as i still had the gift of the Holy Ghost from when i was 8 years old, however much i'd abused him.) All it took was a few years of this crazy mental struggle and finally one day opening up the blessed BOM. I was at the cabin in Torrey in the blue bedroom. I started reading and i just knew. All the doubt & kinks of transitioning over have been worked out over time-- many times with anguish--like taking out my belly ring before i went to the temple? a personal decision, on of those tiny symbolic sacrifices...so hard to give up! I loved my little Peridot barbell. Somehow i felt it defined me. It seemed really important. But it does not and it was not.  

Any sacrifices we make will be exponentially returned to us, so make them--one by one as you examine what really is important; what will be important when you are dead.  

So now i do wear garments and i actually love them! (except right now b/c i sunburned the crap out of myself so i'm typing naked in my orange chair with my dirty cat as my outfit.) & honestly, as i sit here gratefully stealing internet from the neighbors, i really do believe with all my heartfelt heart and all my clever brains that when the world ends, as it obviously is headed to, or just when any joe dies and the perverbial smoke clears--each person will freak out in flabbergastation as they realize outloud, "i can not believe the Mormons were right!!"